The Week That Was: May 7-13, 2012.

Many years back, TNT's Kenny Smith coined and popularized the phrase "Gone Fishin'" to refer to teams that had been eliminated from title contention, either due to regular season results or playoff defeats.  It makes me wonder: which NBA players actually go fishing when they have the opportunity to do so?  My trusty research assistant, Google, put in 0.46 seconds of work, and delivered 6,000,124 results.  I weeded through every single one to offer you the NBA's fishermen: Brad Miller, Chris Kaman, Carmelo Anthony, Jeremy Lin and Monty Williams.  So there you go.

We're still trying to keep up with our non-playoff friends, so on tap for this week: mixed messages in Portland, not-so-mixed messages in Sacramento, and the $4 million dollar job in Charlotte that no one seems to want.  Let's get to it!

1. Stirring the Pot (in spite of the Soup).

Oregonian sports columnist John Canzano and Portland Trailblazers owner Paul Allen have something of a contentious relationship.  This isn't surprising; Canzano is the lead writer covering the Blazers, and Allen is the franchise's chief benefactor and primary decision maker.  The two have come to loggerheads several times, including a kerfuffle this season which saw Allen attempt to use some recent vacation pictures to construct a Reddit-esque diss meme after Canzano wrote a pointed article asking Allen if he "was in or out".  Most people gave Allen a solid "B" for effort.

This weekend, the Oregonian published another pointed critique of Allen, written by -- who else? -- Canzano.  In this edition of their deepening internet war (since the occasionally reclusive Paul Allen rarely grants face-to-face interviews with any media members), Canzano details a shady business meeting he was invited to attend.  At the meeting, Canzano shared the table with "people so influential and well placed they're typically busy getting initiatives passed and politicians elected" (well, then!).  These Portland elites let it be known that they believe Paul Allen has secretly put the Blazers up for sale.  Moreover, these Portland elites seem to think that the next owner is going to be Merritt Paulson, the popular current owner of the Portland Timbers (the city's MLS team), a former underling of David Stern, and the son of a former Secretary of the US Treasury.  Canzano brashly issues these assertions, despite the fact that (1) Paul Allen released an open letter earlier this week in which he expressly and clearly states that the team is not for sale, and (2) Merritt Paulson, himself, in the article, denies any interest in wanting to purchase a majority stake in the Blazers, either now or in the future.  Nevertheless, Canzano sticks to his guns, and asserts that the Blazers will be going on the market, and that Paul Allen has had enough of the NBA.  Neither Allen, nor his for-hire band of internet-tough-octopuses (octopi?) have commented on the story.

Stuff like this makes me wonder what Canzano (and other "Me Versus the Owner" columnists like the San Jose Mercury's Tim Kawakami) actually get out of this. Do the leading sports columnists for major media outlets actually think about their assignments critically, or just try to write something that will get a rise out of their readers.  Yes, the Blazers had a disappointing season.  They have not lived up to the lofty expectations others had for them.  But Paul Allen did not take baseball bats to the knees of his former franchise players.  And true, he has yet to hire a general manager, and has let his former GMs go under shady circumstances.  But a number of inalienable truths remain.  Truths like this: Paul Allen still has billions of dollars in the bank and that he's currently involved in the hiring of a new general manager.  The Blazers have both cap space and draft picks to use.  And in the end, they finished 28-38, were in playoff contention for most of the season, and have a roster needs tweaks rather than wholesale changes Canzano insists upon.  And included in those superfluous wholesale changes?  That's right.  Selling the team to a popular owner in the Portland era.  Paul Allen's got his issues.  But owning the team isn't one of them.

So John?  Take it from someone who had to endure two decades of Chris Cohan: it could be worse.  Much worse.

2. So You're Saying the Deal's Off?

While we're on the subject of embattled owners, we should check in on the mess in Sacramento, where the city of Sacramento continues to battle with Kings' owners, Joe and Gavin Maloof.  Hey, friends!  How you guys doing down there?  Getting your stuff worked out with that pesky arena-and-not relocating-to-Anaheim-or-Seattle thing?

Oh, City of Sacramento, I see you've gathered all the influential business leaders in the arena, and written a letter to David Stern!  That's thoughtful of you, I'm sure he loves getting letters.  What's it say?  Oh.  It says that you think "it is time for the Maloofs to sell their ownership of the franchise, for the good of the city and in the interest of advancing Sacramento's effort to build a downtown arena."  You add that "the city, the fans and the NBA deserve and require an ownership group that is fully committed to being a good-faith constructive participant in the arena process," and that "the Sacramento community has lost faith in the Maloof family's ability to deliver on the many promises it has made."  And you all signed it with a nice looking ball point pen.  Okay then!

Well, Joe and Gavin, what do you gotta say?  This must seem a little hostile, but you guys are businessmen.  I'm sure you'll handle this professionally; work with these guys.  After all, if you actually want to stay in Sacramento, you'll have to keep these businessmen somewhat on your good side, right? Can't bite the hand that feeds you, y'know?

Oh.  You've hired a private eye to see if any of these signatures were forged.  And this guy's making home calls?  Like, invading privacy and shit?  Waiting outside in his car, binoculars in hand?

Okay!  Good luck, guys.  Looks like you're all making good progress.

3. Don't Call Me, I'll Call You.

Last week we bid farewell to Paul Silas, whose suffered through a 7-59 season as the head coach of the Charlotte Bobcats.  Since then, Bobcats owner Michael Jordan, president Rod Thorn and general manager Rich Cho have been sifting through resumes, attempting to locate the man who will take Gerald Henderson, Byron Mullens and Kemba Walker to the promised land.  But -- surprise, surprise! -- no one seems that interested in coaching a team bereft of talent and marketability.

A few interesting names have popped up -- younger faces who haven't been interviewed for many head coaching positions.  Most reports indicate that the Bobcats would prefer to hire Mike Malone, who served as rookie head coach Mark Jackson's lead assistant in Golden State.  Malone was moderately sought after last season, interviewing for head coaching vacancies in Houston and Detroit, as well as an assistant position with the Lakers.  According to Tim Kawakami, Malone chose the Warriors job because he felt it represented his best chance to land a top-shelf coaching position later on.  TK makes an excellent point when he asserts that Malone will be in a better position to choose a position next season, when the Warriors are either winners (thanks, presumably, to his coaching of the players, and his mentoring of Mark Jackson), or something, at some point, goes horribly awry, and he suddenly finds himself in a position to be promoted to head coach.  As such, Malone has been reluctant to express too much interest over a job that might be best served for a less marketable candidate?

So who are these candidates?  A number of largely unknown assistants have been mentioned -- some guy named David Joerger in Memphis, a certain Nate Tibbitts in Cleveland, and, of course, Stephen Silas, the lead assistant in Charlotte this season, and son of former coach Paul Silas.  A few favorites, like Pacers associate head coach Brian Shaw, have made appearances.  But the flavor of the week pick is Patrick Ewing, Hall of Fame player and longtime assistant coach who has been credited with the developments of Yao Ming and Dwight Howard (though don't you dare typecast him as a big man's coach, he doesn't appreciate your shortsightedness).  Ewing has openly campaigned for a head coaching job for quite a few seasons now, and perhaps it's time to give him a shot, especially if the Bobs land big man Anthony Davis with the first pick.

My money's on Stephen Silas getting the job, but I'd love to see Patrick get a shot at it.

The Week That Was: April 30-May 6, 2012.

With the playoffs underway, it's easy to forget that there are fourteen other teams conducting business as usual, albeit not practicing regularly anymore.  While these teams' players galavant around the globe, getting fat, and forgetting about whatever went wrong during the regular season, franchise employees work the phones, get ready for the draft, fire the bums, and just try to get the train back on track.  If all goes well, these teams will still be playing at this time next year.  If they aren't?  Well, then they're probably the Golden State Warriors.

Jokes!  Anyways, here's a Week That Was that brings you up to speed on your favorite non-playoff teams (and, like, sixth favorite player-turned-commentator, somewhere between Chris Mullin and Jalen Rose).  Let's get to it.


1. Worst Retirement Party Ever.

This week, Michael Jordan, one of the worst owners in professional sports, made Paul Silas the fall-man for the worst NBA team of all time.

Paul Silas is a career NBA man.  He played fifteen years in the NBA as a rugged power forward, and was selected to two All Star games.  He won championships with both the Boston Celtics and the Seattle SuperSonics.  After retiring as a player, he moved on to a coaching career.  He built a solid reputation after leading the San Diego Clippers, Charlotte Hornets, New Orleans Hornets, Cleveland Cavaliers, and Charlotte Bobcats.  He has the distinction of being LeBron James' first professional coach, as well as the New Orleans Hornets' first coach.  In 875 games, he has a career winning percentage of .442 -- not great, but not terrible -- and has coached in almost 30 playoff games.  This is not the resume of a Hall of Fame coach, but of an impressively accomplished and long-standing leader.

With that in mind, it's sad that a respectable coach should have the Charlotte Bobcats as their swan song.  Silas had coached the Bobcats for two seasons, and in that time, had done everything he could to erase the mistakes Michael Jordan made as an executive and an owner.  He took over for Larry Brown, who Jordan had hired to lead a group of mismatched veterans to the playoffs.  He did his best to relate to mercurial, high-maintenance vets like Stephen Jackson, Boris Diaw, Tyrus Thomas and Corey Maggette, all of whom Jordan had acquired to please Larry Brown.  He did he damnedest to develop young role players of the future like Gerald Henderson, Byron Mullens, Kemba Walker and Bismack Biyombo, who were either drafted or acquired by Jordan, much to the chagrin of anyone who knows anything about team building.  He worked hard to find positives in winning 39 games over the course of two seasons while Jordan found time to squeeze in 18 holes before dinner.  He did everything asked of him, and then some.

Paul Silas seems like a good guy.  7-59 and .106 -- the worst record and winning percentage in NBA history -- shouldn't be his ultimate legacy.  This was neither his making, nor his charge.  He didn't ask to coach a mix of disgruntled vets and sub-talented young guns in an empty arena.  He wasn't given the same control of the franchise that Larry Brown got, nor did he get the same amount of support from Jordan as Brown.  Silas was always set up to fail.  It was just a matter of when.

So, as we bid farewell to Paul Silas, let's remember him not as the coach of the worst team of all time, but the man who took over a mess, and was able to get out with his legacy still intact.  Other greats in that organization may not be so lucky.

2. That's Slick.

Behold, the Nets have become cool.

The Brooklyn Nets, who just last week were the New Jersey Nets, have unveiled their new logo, and have officially begun marketing themselves in a minimalist style.  Jay-Z, who has a minority ownership in the franchise, reportedly played an influential role in the development of the Nets' new logo as well as their new uniforms, which will be unveiled (leaked) sometime in late summer.

So far, change has been good for the Nets.  Since unveiling the logo, as well as some select items of merchandise on the NBA's online store, the Nets have enjoyed "top seller" status.  That's an instant victory for a new franchise, and one that achieves instant marketability for both swing-fans (that is, fans who don't have a team, or will purchase merchandise from other teams) and hardcore fans.  In many ways, the Nets are making the move from small-market to major-market, and these types of merchandising victories, notched before the Nets even play a game, are more important than the roster, coaching staff, and mascot.  What will the mascot be, anyways?  What type of mascot would Jay-Z even create?

Let's hope Deron Williams pays attention to jersey sales (he should).  This alone could be a reason to re-sign.

3. He's Not That Kind of Doctor.

Let's hear it for Dr. Shaquille O'Neal.

This past weekend, Shaq received his doctorate from Barry University. His dissertation is entitled "How Leaders Utilize Humor or Seriousness in Leadership Styles."  He boasted a 3.8 grade point average and completed all of his doctoral coursework and research in about five years.

Shaquille O'Neal has joined many others who pursued college education later in life.  He left Louisiana State University (LSU) after his junior year to earn millions of dollars in the NBA. During summers, he returned to LSU  to complete his undergraduate coursework, and completed his Bachelor's of Arts degree in 2000.  He earned an MBA from the University of Phoenix, an online college, in 2005.  His PhD from Barry was also earned online, mostly through teleconferences and occasional meetings at Barry's campus in Miami, Florida.  And he did all of this while working full time in a very high profile job.

I know Shaq's not a normal guy.  He's got a lot of money to spend, and a lot of people who work for him and his brand.  But there are many out there who are attempting to further their educations later on in life, after they've accomplished (or, failed to accomplish) various other things in their late teens and early-to-mid twenties.  They do so at night, online, in between jobs -- whatever they need to do to get that degree.

Congrats Shaq.  Er, Dr. Shaq.