Saturday, January 7, 2012

1 Reason Why Kansas State Football Trumps Warriors at Lakers


- If I were to rank my interest in non-Pac 12 football games on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd have to give it a solid 5.

- My interest in Kansas State University and The University of Arkansas, same scale, 1 and 1.5 respectively.

Math: 5 + 1 + 1.5 = 7.5/30 = 25%

Analysis: I don't care about the Cotton Bowl

Last night I watched (practically) every snap of the 2012 Cotton Bowl. I know. I know. This is just as perplexing to me as it is to you, seeing as I'm looking at the same professionally done study that you are. It just doesn't add up. There were some great NBA games on, HGTV was rocking a House Hunters: International marathon, and Abby just got me all 3 seasons of Arrested Development for Hannukah. There is only one possible explanation for why I spent my night watching meaningless college football:


Gus is the man. He could call play-by-play mancala and I'd anxiously tune in. The dude can just flat out call a game.


Play-by-play is an art that can drastically enhance the game viewing experience. A good game is made great when combined with a skilled play-by-play guy and knowledgeable color commentator. You gain insight, the game seems more exciting, and it creates the atmosphere that you're watching and discussing the game with your close friends (even though Gus has no idea who I am, let alone considers me his friend...that jerk).

Just as a good game can be made great by a fantastic duo, a great game can be made miserable by a dreadful duo. Bob Fitzgerald is the play-by-play guy for the Warriors (and hosts the afternoon show on KNBR 680) and he does his best each and every night to ruin what is already pretty ugly basketball.

I could spend hours and hours ripping Fitz for everything that he does or says, but I'll go easy on him and instead lay out just his most egregious offenses:

1) Don't pee on my head and tell me it's raining. Look, Bob - I know you want this team to succeed, that you want to see Monta and Steph at every All-Star game, and that David Lee's rebounding acumen and perfect smile justify his absurd contract - but QUIT PREACHING ABOUT HOW SKILLED THIS TEAM IS. The Warriors aren't very good right now and until they invest in a skilled big man that won't be changing anytime soon. So call a spade a spade. After all, that's your....oh, what's it called...oh right...your JOB. Call the game in front of you, not the one in your head.

2) It is downright comical how often Fitz blames losses on the injury bug or the perils of traveling. NEWSFLASH: Every team (especially in this shortened season) plays back-to-backs. NEWSFLASH: Every team faces unfortunate injuries. This is the NBA. This is a no excuses league. One of my favorite Fitz-isms is when he tells us how hard the team "competed" in a 20 point loss. Your Irish forefathers would be ashamed.

3) Complaining about the officiating...this one literally makes my blood boil. It is your duty as a play-by-play guy to be as objective as you can while calling a game. It's broadcasting 101 (I should know, I was a political science major). FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP IT! Complaining about the officials is the final straw that forces me to hit the dreaded mute button (or actually just turn the volume all the way down because I always have trouble finding the mute button on my remote).

Consider this my application for the position of play-by-play guy for YOUR Golden State Warriors. I think Barnett and I would work well together.


  1. you know what's funny is that I have league pass and every time I watch golden state games with the local broadcasters i always cringe at the things they say because it is so biased. I would be naive to say that some bias doesn't exist in local broadcasts of games, but the Phoenix guys keep it to a very bare minimum and make comments on the game itself, while also complimenting the other team. I don't think I ever got that out of a warriors game. Also I hate you. <3 shaya